Category: lifestyle

Commit to the Process – Do Not Get Attached to the Outcome

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We all face ups and downs in our lives – both personal and professional.

 

So many times it happens that we are so focussed on the outcome of a particular situation and how we will be happy / successful once when we achieve it and when things do not go as we planned, we feel frustrated and angry.

 

We will not get what we want always and we will hit roadblocks, diversions, landslides and avalanches in our journeys. This is the normal process of life.

 

We have been taught from the start to be goal focussed. We teach a child that when they ace a test, they will get a reward. The reward and outcome theory is implanted in our brain since childhood. We diligently follow it through our lives and it does bring success since we strive higher and work harder and that always pays.

But what happens when we don’t get what we want or we don’t reach where we wanted. A majority of us will feel disappointed, angry and frustrated. We get so attached to the outcome and the win or reward that we stop enjoying and focussing on the process.

 

What if we focus on the process and commit to it rather than getting attached to the outcome?

 

Highly successful and happy people are more focussed on the process and their long term commitment to it.  They are not bothered much by the reward or the outcome. For them, the reward is only an accessory or a by-product of the process. They are also not hurt or disappointed by the negative outcome of their efforts. They will move on easily and roadblocks and breakdowns cannot stop them in their path to greatness.

We can implement this both in our personal and professional lives.

  • What if we don’t daydream about the happy life we will have together with our new friend / partner and just commit to the process of the journey and then see how it goes.
  • What if we don’t think about the bonus that we will get at the end of the project delivery, but commit to the process and ensure that each project is delivered successfully.
  • What if we don’t focus on how once we reach a certain level of income, we will be happy and instead commit to the process of improving our skills and learning each day.

 

We can apply this process commitment and outcome detachment theory in multiple spheres and it has been proven to lead to a happier, successful and fulfilling life.

How I lost 7 kgs in 31 days

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Today (31st Jan, 2020), I weigh 77.2 kg. I weighed 84.5 kg at the start of the month (1st Jan, 2020).

 

One of my new year resolutions was to lose weight as last year I had slacked off and ballooned from 74 kg to 84 kg plus.

Lack of exercise, unplanned eating and beer were a major contributor to my weight. I felt bloated and was not able to fit into my smart clothes. Then a close friend said why are you becoming like a round pumpkin. This was the final nail in my rounded beer belly and we had to do something to puncture the balloon.

 

So, I made a promise to myself to make drastic changes and get it back on track.

 

Here is what I did to go from Round to Square:

 

  1. Totally gave up Alcohol, especially beer. I love beer and it was hard at first but had to be patient and divert my mind to other activities. For the first time in my life, I went out with my friends to a Pub and drank lemonade. I found out that lemonade costs more than beer but as they say good (healthy) things are not cheap. Life is a comic tragedy when a beer bottle costs INR 150 and lemonade comes at INR 190 laughing
  2. Made drastic changes to my diet and gave up binge eating. One banana in the morning, handful of almonds and walnuts, 2 – 3 cups of tea a day, 10 glasses of water and 3 chapattis or 2 rice bowls with curry in dinner is my diet . I don’t eat out and have stopped all oily food intake.
  3. Began exercising, though it is still not a fixed daily routine but I try to do it atleast 4 – 5 times in a week. This may involve going for a 30 min jog or 1.5 hrs of cycling. I have also started weight training (4 times a week) with full body workouts.

 

It was a fun challenge to take up and I intend to go down to 75kg in the next 2 – 3 weeks and then maintain it there. Now I am able to fit into my old clothes again, though all the wardrobe that I bought for my 80 plus frame needs alteration. I feel light and energetic and my mind is more active.

 

We should all try this drastic weightless activity sometime. The result and outcome of this challenge is not dependent on any third parties and it helps us to get back into the Game of Life.

 

Side-Note: Maybe should I try a new career as a Weight loss coach wink

Are You chasing Productive Happiness OR Consumption based Happiness

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With so many resources and distractions available at our disposal, we are always hard pressed for effective time utilization and making the most of our limited 24 hours. Everyone gets 24 hours in a day on the planet and it is how we use it matters the most in making our life a success or just going through the motions.

We all want to be happy and satisfied but still remain sad and empty. Everyone has a different definition of happiness and satisfaction but the generally accepted societal standard is a good career, stable income, family, status and the works.

 

What is Productive based Happiness and Satisfaction?

Productive happiness is the joy and satisfaction that we get when we produce something which satisfies our basic need to create. This can be anything from making your dinner, working on the presentation, creating a new website, painting your door or even sorting out your cupboard.

We are born to create and experience the enjoy the fruits of our labour.

 

What is Consumption based Happiness and Satisfaction

Consumption based Happiness is the joy we get from watching Netflix, Social Media, eating the chocolate and doing activities which cater to our urge to experience and enjoy new things and activities.

 

Successful people or people who are doing well in the society (based on the accepted standards) cater to their Productive and creative based Mindset first and keep their consumption based Mindset in check.

Normal people tend to cater to the consumption based happiness first without focussing their limited energy and time to actual productive behaviour which will give them long term satisfaction and happiness.

Consumption based behaviour is easier to adopt than the production based approach as the world offers us a plethora of distractions to lull the monkey mind and make us live in a make-believe world.

I am not saying that either approach is bad. We just need to maintain a healthy balance between the two and if we make the productive Mindset as our dominant philosophy and process , it will help us in achieving our short term and long term Goals faster.

 

So did you Create or Consume Today?

2020 Personal Goal List

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So here’s my personal year Goal list for 2020.

This list does not include professional goals.

  • Back to 75 – 77 kg weight range – have started on it and come down from 84 to 80 kg in 14 days
  • Learn new skills – have started with Salsa classes and will keep adding to this
  • Nurture the relationships – work in progress
  • Say Yes
  • Stick to the routine. I can be a lazy bugger sometimes.
  • Regular weekly blogging to begin with
  • Be Impeccable with Your Word
  • Don’t Take Anything Personally
  • Don’t Make Assumptions
  • Always Do Your Best

Let’s start with these and take stock at the end of the month.

Happy New Year 2020!

 

False sense of entitlement

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I have seen a number of issues / conflicts arising due to the false  sense of entitlement that we as a Nation suffer from.
 
We are a pampered lot right from childhood with parents giving in to our demands and supporting us till late in lives. So, we become used to demanding service and assuming that we are entitled to it. 
 
This makes us believe that everybody is there to serve us. 
So my job becomes the responsibility of the college, my growth is the responsibility of the company, my education is the responsibility of my parents and in the end I can blame them all for my failures.
 
Why don’t we introspect ? 
 
We are not entitled to anything. 
 
It is MY responsibility to make a failure or success of the platform that our parents, college or company provides.
It is my life and my ownership, responsibility is the only thing that matters. The sooner we realize this TRUTH, the sooner we can get to the path of SUCCESS.
 
YOU only need yourself to make a MESS or a SUCCESS of YOUR LIFE. 

Earn It

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Yesterday while watching the Epic movie “Saving Private Ryan” the dying words of Tom Hanks character, Capt. Miller “James… earn this. Earn it.” kept ringing in my ears for a long time.

 

These look very simple words but can be a very life changing experience if the true meaning and the depth behind the words is understood.

 

If one understands the true meaning of them, once can achieve great success and would also be in a better position to understand and accept any situation.

Let’s review some interesting cases where this can be applied:

Love : When we meet somebody from the opposite sex, we present our best picture. What happens when our true selves come out. It becomes a wasteland of broken dreams, promises and messy relationships.

What we should be actually doing is working each day to EARN the love and respect of each other . Initially attraction might be a chemical reaction but you got to keep the fires burning to sustain the relationship.

Relationships : In a family, we have multiple relationships – with our parents, our siblings and cousins. We normally take them from granted and don’t value them as we are caught up in our web of life. But we need to EARN them and keep them fresh so a relationship does not become a ship with no relations.

Work : An employee joins an organization by passing the rigorous interview test and then for the first 3 – 6 months or even one year till the first increment, he works his heart out and gets a promotion and a nice raise or even a moderate raise. Then the performance goes downhill or stagnates. He thinks he has EARNED it but stops looking at the constant EARNING that is required to maintain and improve his performance. He blames everyone but himself and does not consider that he is still getting a salary which he needs to EARN and needs to EARN his increments as well.

Same goes for the organization. A company hires the best resources, gives them a nice raise from the previous jobs but fails to maintain and EARN their trust and challenge and reward them later on. The organization will not rise if it stops EARNING its employees.

Business: A business signs up a client by promising the moon, delivers for a few months and things go downhill. The business needs to constantly EARN his client to improve performance and profitability.

In all the above cases, we find that when we stop EARNING and become complacent and demand something as a birthright, we start to lose the plot.

 

Let’s EARN it to ENJOY it.

Stress and how to reduce it

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Stress is a major part of our current lives and despite trying hard to curtail it , we still remain stressed.

Let’s stress on a few basic points that the experts advise on how to reduce stress.

 

  1. Letting go and accepting the things : Your kids are not listening , your team members are playing hardball , your maid has not turned up. Basically nothing is happening as you wanted or planned, just take a step back and accept the situation. The best solution at that moment will be to refine / lower your expectations and accept instead of fussing about things that are beyond your control. Sometimes it is easier to let go.

 

  1. Live a simpler life and reduce clutter : We need to de-clutter our lives and make them simpler. The desk, house, mobile phone, laptop , your relationships need to de-cluttered . I have seen some people keeping all their files on the desktop screen instead of keeping them in separate orderly folders. They are just cluttering up and it is a mirror of how we live. Just look at your wardrobe – If it is messed up and full of things that you have not even worn for a long time, you need to let go and reduce and organize the wardrobe. Clutter causes stress.

 

  1. Get a hobby: What do you like doing. It can be anything like photography, bird watching, blogging. Develop a hobby that you are passionate about. Reduces stress considerably.

 

  1. Listen to music or develop a reading habit – Music provides a soothing experience and reading helps in increasing knowledge and widening your thoughts and horizon. Great stress busters.

 

  1. Do some voluntary / charity work – Join an NGO or even teach your maid’s kids for free. Do something worthwhile free for someone else. Will give you tremendous satisfaction and happiness and will reduce stress.

 

  1. Attend a funeral – Funerals make you realize the eventuality of the circle of life and you start seeing life from a different perspective. Funerals make you realize that stressing on the client, team member, kids, maid is just a small speck in the life cycle and nothing is permanent.

Learning to Say No

amit Leave a comment

Many times at work or even at home , we get caught up in complex situations with the attitude of pleasing and saying “Yes” to everybody and to each extra work, request or expenditure. 

We say “Yes” to our bosses, our colleagues and to our children as we don’t want to offend anyone. 

It is good saying “Yes” when you job or relationship depends on it. But we normally tend to overlook that saying a small “Yes” will impact the other tasks on the project or will upset our monthly budget and you will regret it later. We need to think it through which we tend to ignore. 

We as an individual and as a society as a whole need to learn to say “No” to things or acts which we know will have repercussions or will snowball into huge nightmares and mishaps later on. 

Saying “No” does not mean that you say “No” to everything but always think and try to put across your point in a polite manner without being offensive. 

9 times out of 10, the other party would understand your valid reason for saying “No”.